Friday, May 25, 2012

So much like

I often wish I could trade things for other things. It might be a consequence of practically just living around the stores, getting on Ebay almost everyday and buying generally more than you need, which almost every social platform encourages you to - you feel like everything is a product. If everyone tells you that your happiness is a product (provided by this new look you can get from H&M), the happiness (that new laundry powder) and safety (that new insurance policy) of your family are products, why can't your emotions and relationships be products? Sounds perfectly logical.
Sometimes gaining experiences seems like gaining points in a video game. You just gather stuff until you have so much you can get a special power or trade it all for something else. It's always this easy distinction between quantity and quality - you have so much of something ordinary that you can barter it for one piece of something worthwhile. That's what I think whenever I meet someone who really likes me, especially if I can't fully reciprocate this person's feelings. Knowing these moments when my personality is so Hannah Montana I wonder how people can get a consistent image of me and I wonder how some of them can like me so much. It's surrealistic when they tell me I'm an angel, I'm one in a million or any other hackneyed set expression that sounds good only when say it like you mean it, and that doesn't get old only when your mom says it. And I wish I could just take all these people's false assumption of my wonderfulness and stream it into this one person's lack of an opinion about me whatsoever. This doesn't sound very socially bearable but from today's perspective I would trade all those kinds of likes into one particular like from one particular liker.
And yes, I am speaking of a boy.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Life update

I need to write, otherwise this really weird and ugly post is going to show every time I enter this blog. And it makes me read all of the "I know I've been neglecting this blog, but I've decided to write daily from now on" followed by a month of absence. This paragraph right here needs some sauce of slimy apologizing as well, but let me proceed with the life update everybody always hates so much and apologize afterwards.

The funny thing about Polish school is that from the very first day of high school they try to make you believe that your life is never going to generate more important a moment than your final high school exams. They usually succeed at scaring the crap out of everybody who does finals countdowns two years ahead (solid fact. I can give you names). Me personally? I was told that prom was going to be the most magical night of my life and after this fat lie I stopped believing any statement any school official gives me, so I think my nervous system was okay throughout the exams. I did fine, even though I just took standards, believing I was gonna get a handful of scholarships and not have to stay in Poland for  my studies (a woman of faith, right here). Thoughts on any of that? Just one particular point - if they tell you you're supposed to start working on your final Polish presentation in September - they're probably right. And if you don't want to lose a year for something that's not going to be graded justly anyway  - just be aware that starting the night before your exam may possibly be the worst idea you ever come up with. But that's behind me, I still have one exam left, but that's next week, besides it's just oral English, so I'm practically on vacation.

I'm moving in September (if at all... money is a party pooper as always. Or lack of thereof), in June I'm going to do Camp NaNoWriMo with Kate. July there's the Christian Camp that I go to as a member of staff. Every part of it is so exciting, preparing classes for kids, thinking about menu, doing schedules for each day and so on. While at it, I'm looking to find a secondary job as I have several hours a week more than I had during the school year and I can commute on my bike, which -believe it or not- is generally faster than public transportation, so I'm trying to find something not as mind-absorbing as my jobs tend to end up. Tomorrow I'll probably go to a couple of stores I've been to before to drop my CV - I honestly don't wanna go back to being a grocery store clerk and having to deal with all the minors trying to buy alcohol. I always end up being the public enemy of my neighborhood.

Okay, off to go to the theater with my best friend to celebrate 100% on my oral exam. Later days.

Song of the day: Run For a Fall - Epica

Verse of the day: A joyful heart is good medicine, But a crushed spirit dries up the bones.  Proverbs 17:22

Oh, and I'm sorry :)