Friday, May 25, 2012

So much like

I often wish I could trade things for other things. It might be a consequence of practically just living around the stores, getting on Ebay almost everyday and buying generally more than you need, which almost every social platform encourages you to - you feel like everything is a product. If everyone tells you that your happiness is a product (provided by this new look you can get from H&M), the happiness (that new laundry powder) and safety (that new insurance policy) of your family are products, why can't your emotions and relationships be products? Sounds perfectly logical.
Sometimes gaining experiences seems like gaining points in a video game. You just gather stuff until you have so much you can get a special power or trade it all for something else. It's always this easy distinction between quantity and quality - you have so much of something ordinary that you can barter it for one piece of something worthwhile. That's what I think whenever I meet someone who really likes me, especially if I can't fully reciprocate this person's feelings. Knowing these moments when my personality is so Hannah Montana I wonder how people can get a consistent image of me and I wonder how some of them can like me so much. It's surrealistic when they tell me I'm an angel, I'm one in a million or any other hackneyed set expression that sounds good only when say it like you mean it, and that doesn't get old only when your mom says it. And I wish I could just take all these people's false assumption of my wonderfulness and stream it into this one person's lack of an opinion about me whatsoever. This doesn't sound very socially bearable but from today's perspective I would trade all those kinds of likes into one particular like from one particular liker.
And yes, I am speaking of a boy.

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