I feel
like I'm gonna need to kill something. I guess you know the feeling if you've
ever felt swamped by work and were prepared to get into some pretty
uncomfortable situation, almost made out with your brother-in-law not knowing
that in fact he is your son or if you ever did NaNoWriMo. It is June and yes,
that means that I'm doing Camp Nano. At every camp there is this one child who
would call his parents constantly, moan, cry, refuse to take part in all camp
activities, blame you for having their PayPhone card stolen (hey, remember that
I was a camper in the nineties and early two-thousands) and get candy packages
from their grandparents every other week and refusing to give you some and
locking your common room before you come in and being a nudnik altogether. Wow,
that was a long enunciation. But seriously, I used to get soooo annoyed with
people who did nothing but moan. And right now I'm this tedious person who
moans all the time and calls their parents. I don't wanna be that person. But
really, this Camp Nano is horrible! I do not know what to write, I NOT KNOW
WORDS HOW TOGETHER PUT. It's not that I don't wanna try, I open that freakin'
word document
Back when
I was in ballet school we used to end our daily training with a yoga routine.
The teacher would say 'ask your body what it feels. Transcend the universe with
your mind' and the like. Usually our bodies screamed something like CINNAMON
BUN NOW and our minds would transcend to the changing rooms and focus on
getting the hell out of there. While I'm not certain about the latter part,
with the universe and all that, I think I finally get how it is when your body
is more aware of what you actually want than you are. Since last Tuesday my
body has been bellowing Sweden Sweden Sweden. I didn't know why I missed Sweden
so much. I didn't know why I had this weird craving for Radbrod, I didn't know
why I sat listening to Zarah Leander
***
I'm
getting totally lazy. Tomorrow I'm leaving and not gonna have any internet,
unless I go to the library IN ANOTHER TOWN IN ANOTHER COUNTRY and I'm not so
sure there's internet there. At the same time I have three papers to write (one
due last Monday), a revision to do, a video to make, a picture to
photoshop, a test to study for and
***
No excuses. I'm just gonna write something.
I'm at my friend's house, I was staying the night. I have a
million things to do today, including a badgilion essays, same number of
math homework, putting stuff on ebay and trying to crimp my hair (I'm all for
crimping lately but my crimper won't work. Oh well...). I just wanted to say
one thing (and also have at least two posts in a month of daily blogging),
particularly because I want to remember this experience when I read this blog
afterwards (also, sorry for messing up the sentence with a digression, but I'm
really gonna put more care into grammar. Starting tomorrow....). So in Poland
there is this game show on TV called Familiada. Basically you need to have 5
members of your family on the show. The presenter asks a question
***
Hello and good day!
I am not doing as well on the January blogging daily challenge,
but hey, I have eleven more months to make up for that. This is a general
update blog, so excuse me if it's too bloggy. People generally tend to hate
these types of videos but sometimes I enjoy them more than
content-full-to-burst videos, because they show these people in their natural
habitat. Also, unedited is always so old school.
I haven't been posting for the last couple of days, but boy, were
they intensive. I was working all day Wednesday and Thursday (I'm a cleaning
person. Last year I taught English to little Polish kids and I have to say that
this year it such a great feeling of tiredness.
This blogging every day thing is hard. Not because I can't find
some time every day set aside to this activity, but because the more things on
my head, I feel that I don't have that time. The case is that I shouldn't have
time. In fact, I'm wasting so much of it just worrying about how I lack it that
with a different mindset I could be a timelady (should that be a thing?).
So, sometimes I feel the urge to be grave and/or self-reflective
but really I'm just a lazybum who can't get her work done so... I'm not gonna
edit it.
Okay, I'll go dry my hair and then I'm rushing off to church, so I
guess, see you in a couple hours.
***
As I was entering this fabulous stage of my life when your major
concern of preoccupation is college application essay, I gave myself a choice
of writing about either something I had stable opinions on, or something that
should shock. Ending up writing a dissertation entitled 'Math in my life' was a
killer for all of my friends. A little backstory on that.
In primary school I was the best kid in class, in everything (at
some point, I was even good at sports?).
We had the GPA scale of 6, where 5 was very good and six was reserved for
geniuses. My GPA was 5.9. The only subject I got a 5 in was math. I'm not
saying that this grading system was particularly accurate, as I don't feel and
have never felt like a child prodigy. I would rather say that I was the only
one not worried about not 'being cool', which term was at that time often
confused with being moronic. Anyway, my point is that it shows that from the
beginning math was not my cup of tea.
First semester of junior high I was under threat of having to
repeat it because of my disastrous results in math (I got 6%, hehe). Later on I
grew so anxious about math, that I would not go to class (I would even
volunteer to distribute the leaflets about contraception around classrooms
instead of having to deal with functions. True story) and let's say that my
relations with the teacher were were less than enjoyable.
Having had such experience with math I was fretting one of my
final exams. I started studying for it 6 months in advance, just so that I
could start from the beginning. And I kind of started to love that.
I almost completed the entire SAT math book in two weeks. Not
because I was pressed for time, but because I liked it so much. And then I was
all depressed because I needed to get a new book.
A couple of months ago I went to this Sunday School Teachers'
Training where the lecturer told us about how math can be like life.
Remember in the first grade how they taught us the order of
operations and how this was going to be the most important thing in math we
will ever learn? At my school our teacher told us that if we don't know the
order of operations we will mess everything up.
I've just written a really elaborate explanation for my internet
absence in the last couple of weeks. However, I just feel too bored by what
I've written to make it sound better. I just want to write what I've been
meaning to. Anyway, what you need to know is: my examination marathon is over
and I am back to blogging.
I'm sure all of us heard those excuses before. All this festival
of "I was busy having life", repeating every few weeks and this need
of making the explanation into a separate video on YouTube. For that I see one
reason: even though you love doing what you do on the Internet, it is so hard
getting back to what you've fell out of habit of doing.
Take blogging. In the month of April I wouldn't be able to imagine
a day without a blog post. Once April has ended it was harder and harder to
write once a two weeks or so. Doing NaNoWriMo was easy when I got used to
writing all the time. But I haven't even opened the folder with my novel since
I pushed into the depth of my computer documents on November 30th.
It is normal to jog every day if you're used to doing it every
day.
***
I do have
a weird relationship with time. Sometimes I hate it but sometimes it seems like
a savage beast that needs to be given gifts in nature in order to be
I
have always believed that time, if approached properly, would be ready to pay
you off the courtesy. As shady as the reality would turn out leaves the
question
Song of the day: Give me a band and my baby from "My Sister Eileen"
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